A Report on LOCATION:AVOIDING-DODGEBALL

This evening I went to visit a family from my previous location (LOCATION:AVOIDING-DODGEBALL). I assumed they would be feeding me, so when the kitchen was empty, I was curious. Were they going to starve me to death? But no, they had me get in the car and drove to some unknown destination. We ended up at a kitchen in California. We ate pizza and played tic tac toe. Then we drove back to their house for pie and watched Sinbad. I laughed a lot even though I don’t like stand up comedy.

We talked for several hours about my previous location and my current location. It was awkward, with the secret identity and all. Also they wanted me to come back to LOCATION:AVOIDING-DODGEBALL, but i just can’t leave LOCATION:HAPPENING. When I was leaving (these spy hours are not working for me. I was up at 6 AM and I didn’t get back till midnight.) James the 29th handed me a black garbage bag. I was quite curious, hoping it wasn’t the waiter’s phone number or a giant hanger. These are the only things I could come up with as I was carrying it. However when I returned to LOCATION:HAPPENING I opened it up to find a frame containing several pictures of me with them and with my best friends/fellow detectives. It is one of my favorite birthday presents ever.

End of report.

You look HORRIBLY familiar…

Case Title: The Case of the Missing Snacks

Objective: Find the thief!

Mission: Wait. And watch. Sneakily.

Agent: LaBelle.

Location: Tulips.

Agent LaBelle, currently placed at the previously undiclosed location of Tulips, recieved her mission from headquarters three weeks ago at 1300 hours, cleverly disguised as an email to the whole of ____________, the dorm where LaBelle is placed. Posing as a college student has its perks.

The mission from TPTB read as follows: “There is a thief in our midst, Agent LaBelle! A small Dutch thieving ring, specializing in wooden shoes and wizard apparel, has recently been relocated to Tulips, and is in hiding in the only area in town which has its own zip code, thus creating more easy access to information from the leaders. This band of thieves is known as “the Gimoredemis”. They may be disguised as college students, but be alert for any outbreak of thievery in your sector.”

LaBelle, always eager to escape the monotony of Music Theory aka Spy Theory, eagerly accepted her mission and began to be on the lookout for this mysterious thieving ring. Not long after, a student’s ice cream disappeared from the communal icebox. Following this incident, various other foodstuffs such as cookies, doughnuts and yogurt began to disappear as well. Agent LB, wondering if this was merely a juevenile prank, a case of greediness, or the thieving ring, secretly planted a locator chip in a bag of Totino’s Pizza Rolls® and placed them in the icebox. She began a stakeout, lurking in the lobby on the pretext of composing counterpoint for Spy Music Theory. Two days later, the Pizza Rolls were gone.

With the locator chip safely spirited away to the gang’s hideout, LB alerted TPTB, gave them the information, and allowed them to capture the Gilmoredemis. At the hideout, their secret cache was revealed to be small souvenir wooden shoes with various wizarding House emblems on them, in addition to wooden wands, broomsticks embellished with the insignia Nimbus 2000 and Firebolt.

Agent LB, while finding satisfaction in apprehending and disbanding the smuggling ring, then realized that she had a paper due the next day! Ah, such are the trials of a field agent placed in a college setting.

This is the conclusion of Case 79656.2359, titled Missing Snacks, by Agent LaBelle.

A Mysterious Finding

The other day I was walking around town, trying to find a job for this poor girl who I’m impersonating. I hope she is having a good time in the Witness Protection Program. I’m sure she will be glad to find a job and one year of homework done when she comes back.

As I was walking around town, I spotted blue footprints. These were not human foot prints, but more like a giant Scandinavian rabbit. Or perhaps Elmo. Then after a block or so, they turned into green footprints. I am highly curious and will hopefully solve this mystery soon. In the meantime, please be on the look out around LOCATION: HAPPENING for someone or something with abnormally large feet.

-H.J. Golightly

The Scandalous Confessions of AN ANONYMOUS AGENT

Today i left the house and forgot something very important.

It’s imperative that under-cover detectives carry a number of handy items on their person whenever possible: magnifying glass, camera, matches, notebook and pen, whistle, compass, flashlight, bobby pins, chapstick, candy, etc.  I would like to encourage all members of the Ribbon Detective Agency and Record Company to take inventory of their handbags.

I will do this also.  And i will do my best to never again forget to put on my bra.

In my defense, it was very early in the morning.

Please don’t fire me.

Operation: Festive Chic

Agent: M

In order not to compromise her current secret identity, it was necessary for Agent H to attend some festive doings at the college she is presumed to attend.  She and I arrived on campus almost exactly at 7:00 pm, although there was some scuffle surrounding the exact calibration of her clock.  We knew it was imperative that we be Fashionably Late, so we held a short stakeout in the car.  There were no incidents.

Campus was deserted and most mysterious.  I must report that i found it very maze-like, but Agent H has been there before so she found it slightly less so.  But only slightly.  The location of the soirée was rather obscure and it took considerable investigation to find it.  When we finally arrived, we immediately proceeded to put Agent H’s codename on the appropriate List.  Mission Accomplished.

The next order of business was to find a way to get our own red tickets into the shiny boxes that were in the possession of the GBM (Girls in Black Minidresses.)  Although slightly hectic, this too was accomplished rather easily.  We proceeded to eat a great deal of cheese and feign animated conversation while we surveyed the other guests.

We were soon ushered into the theater, where we chose seats most strategic for escaping quickly.  We collected sufficient blackmail material before intermission.

When Agent H vanished for a few moments and i was lingering by the cheese table, concerned about the quickly depleting stack of plates, I was approached by one of the GBM.  She stealthily slipped me a secret message.  H rejoined me near the other cheese table, and i shared the message with her.  She successfully avoided any interaction with the GBM or fellow graduates from her last posting.

When the secret signal came, we returned to the theater and i approached the stage, as the secret message had instructed me to do.  I knew it was a trap, but i knew something the GBM didn’t know…

The GBM paraded me across the stage, along with several other ladies, in what they called a “fashion show.”  Even some of their own were participants, in order to make it seem more authentic.  I immediately recognized the event as a thinly veiled attempt to get a better look at the spy they knew was among them.  It was really a rather brilliant idea: Ribbon Detectives are always fashionable and really quite often both chic and festive.  What better way to out a secret agent then to summon all of the most stylish people to the stage, where the “audience” can examine each specimen and cheer randomly in order to select a “winner” while the GBM authorities are using their shrewd sensibilities to determine which one is a Ribbon Detective?

I did not win the “contest,” but i wasn’t convinced that meant they didn’t suspect me.  But it didn’t matter much…because it was actually Agent H they were looking for, and she was sitting quite unnoticed in a dark row in the back of the theater the entire time.

Still, we knew it was time for us to leave.  However, Ribbon Detectives like presents, so we stuck around for the drawings.  Naturally the GBM had rigged them all, so we left empty handed… but with our covers in tact.

End of Report.

snoop

Case Title: “The Case of The Missing Roomate”

Objective: Discovery of intentions

Mission: Snoop around and collect evidence.

Agent: Briggy

November 5, 1500 hours: suspect leaves the door to our main room wide open and my accomplices and I are puzzled. On further investigation we find the suspect’s door is also wide open and her belongings are missing from their normal places. Theft is a possibility.

November 5, 1900 hours: Suspect leaves conventionally and does not return. Cleaning products from under the sink have gone missing, as well as the suspect’s bathroom supplies (wash cloth, and towel). Her chair remains in the sitting room.

November 6, 0800 hours: Suspect has still not returned to her place of residence. My curiosity is heightened. I’m moving in to collect further evidence regarding this matter.

November 6, 1300 hours: After further snooping I still cannot draw any conclusions on this matter, though evidence does lead in the general direction of the suspect moving out of her current place of residence. There is nothing in her closet or dresser, and no sheets or mattress pad on her bed.

November 6, 1400 hours: Suspect miraculously returns! My position is critical, I have moved away from the crime scene, but I feel I am still in danger. I hear the suspect and her boyfriend behind the door moving things around…is she gone? Is she moving out? The evidence is inconclusive, only time will tell.